We will remember

by Aubrey

I never thought that I would ever get pregnant at 16. But when I did, I was so happy.  I knew that I didn’t want an abortion, and although I knew it would be hard I didn’t care.  I loved my boyfriend and I wanted nothing more than to have our baby. I knew that I would be a good mom for the sole fact that I would love the baby with everything I had and do anything for him or her.

But it never got that far. I got pregnant in June, so when I started bleeding in August I had no idea what was going on. At first I thought it could be normal, because I was still in trimester one and I read that some bleeding is okay. The thing was, my parents still didn’t know. If I had any idea of what was really going on, I would have told them. I regret it more than anything.

The next day, when I was still bleeding it had gotten worse. I had a gut instinct that I was miscarrying. I felt like I had the flu, I had massive back cramps, regular cramps, and the heaviest bleeding that I ever had, ever. I was at my dad's work when it started, and I remember just sitting in the bathroom, straight bleeding. That's about when I passed out tissue that I new was my baby - and I just broke down. It was the hardest thing that I ever went through and the hardest part is knowing that I might have been able to prevent it. I was just so scared of the ramifications that my parents would do - I know that’s a bad excuse but its hard to explain. To this day, my parents don’t know about it,  so when I would just start crying, or my grades went down it was so hard to not have a reason why.

Basically my reason for sharing this story is I know what its like to live having had a miscarriage - especially so young. But you can’t just give up like I wanted to so bad.  You have to just keep going. Me and my boyfriend are older now and we’re trying again, but I’m still so scared that it could happen to me again.

Even though it hurts so bad, and there is nothing more painful than losing a child, don’t give up. You can get through it.  You will be okay. It doesn’t seem that way at first, but you CAN do it. Right after the miscarriage I drove by a church that I usually drive by and I noticed something that I never noticed before - a small statue of Jesus outside the church. Inscribed on the stone was "Life is a precious gift from God, remember the unborn" - and we will.