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"We have a problem."

by Amy

I had unexpectedly got pregnant in May of 2006.  I was excited but my family was not so happy.  They weren't mad but they just knew that my fiancé and I had a lot on our plate at the time.  We already have a son who is 5 and my stepson who is 8.  We were living in a small apartment and trying to get a house.  Finally everyone had accepted the fact, and they had even gotten excited about it.

Going on my 5th month my mother and I went to find out what I was having on a Friday and to my surprise the tech could not tell me anything.  All she told me was to contact my doctor ASAP.  Now how was I supposed to calmly deal with that?  I call my Ob-Gyn and the receptionist tells me to calm down and the doctor would see me on Monday.  I go into work and a few hours later the doctor calls me to tell me over the phone, "We have a problem. The baby is anencephalic".  Oh ok what should I do?  Come in and see me on Monday and we will discuss it, he said.  I don't have a clue what anencephaly is but I know that it is bad because my doctor had already called my fiancé to tell him and he and my mother were on their way to pick me up at work. 

I tell them I have already left work and I am on my way to my mother's house.  When I get there my mom and fiancé are there ready to hold me while I cry.  We go inside to a computer and look up anencephaly and find out that basically the top of the baby’s head did not develop leaving the brain exposed, and the baby would not survive more than 3 months if it made it through birth.  So time for the hardest decision of my life.  Have the baby and watch it die or terminate an abnormal pregnancy. 

Monday comes and my fiancé and I go to the doctor to find out what we need to do.  We thought of everything that he would tell us, but never did I think he would tell us that he his pro-life and in no way can he help me if I decide to terminate.

Now what do I do?  This is not something I just want to go to an abortion clinic and do.  I didn't want to abort my baby, and I didn't want to watch it die either.  So I had to find another doctor that would steer me in the right direction.

Finally I found a doctor who ran another ultrasound and assured me that by terminating I was doing the right thing.  Not only would the baby have no chance, but I would be putting myself in danger to go full term.  So on Sept. 28, 2006 I gave birth while under sedation, and to this day I don't know what the gender was but I have a feeling it was a girl. 

There could have been anything wrong with my baby and I would have dealt with it, but to tell me that no matter what it would not make it I felt like my whole world ended.  This month Feb. 2007 is when I would have been due and I still can't believe that phone call from my doctor ever happened.

We finally have our house and we are currently trying to get pregnant. This time I am taking prenatal vitamins before I get pregnant.  I just want to say good luck to everyone trying and for everyone who has lost a baby you are in my prayers.